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CAMP VAUDEVILLE AUDITION SPEECHES
Do you have a special skill or talent that could be featured in this year's show?
Come to auditions and show us what ya' got! Here are some ideas:
Come to auditions and show us what ya' got! Here are some ideas:
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GEORGE M. COHAN
SINGS: I’m a Yankee doodle dandy. A Yankee doodle do or die…
Yes, that’s me. George M. Cohan, that Yankee doodle boy! Let me tell you about my days in vaudeville. I was born in 1878 on the 4th of July. I literally grew up on the stage. My family were traveling vaudevillians and I joined them on stage in my mother’s arms as an infant. As soon as I could talk and walk, I was taught how to sing and dance. Our vaudeville act was called The Four Cohans – that being mother, father and my older sister Josie. When I was 12 years old, I toured as the star of a show called “Peck’s Bad Boy” but continued to tour with the family act as well.
I began writing original skits and songs for my family while I was in my teens. People seemed to love my songs, and I sold my first songs to a national publisher when I was only 15. From vaudeville it was a natural step to go on to star on Broadway. I was 23 when I wrote, directed and produced my first Broadway musical called “The Governor’s Son” starring, of course, the Four Cohans. Three years later came my first really big Broadway hit in 1904. It was called “Little Johnny Jones” which introduced a couple of songs you may have heard of: ”Give my Regards to Broadway” and, yes, “The Yankee Doodle Boy.”
But there was nothing like those early childhood days in Vaudeville. In the summer we would take a vacation from the Vaudeville circuit and travel to my grandmother’s home in North Brookfield, Massachusetts, which would give me a chance to ride a bike and play baseball. I turned those happy memories into another Broadway musical called “50 Miles from Boston” and in that show I wrote one of my favorite songs. I’m going to sing it for you now. Are you ready? Here goes:
SINGS: ‘HARRIGAN’
My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!
SINGS: I’m a Yankee doodle dandy. A Yankee doodle do or die…
Yes, that’s me. George M. Cohan, that Yankee doodle boy! Let me tell you about my days in vaudeville. I was born in 1878 on the 4th of July. I literally grew up on the stage. My family were traveling vaudevillians and I joined them on stage in my mother’s arms as an infant. As soon as I could talk and walk, I was taught how to sing and dance. Our vaudeville act was called The Four Cohans – that being mother, father and my older sister Josie. When I was 12 years old, I toured as the star of a show called “Peck’s Bad Boy” but continued to tour with the family act as well.
I began writing original skits and songs for my family while I was in my teens. People seemed to love my songs, and I sold my first songs to a national publisher when I was only 15. From vaudeville it was a natural step to go on to star on Broadway. I was 23 when I wrote, directed and produced my first Broadway musical called “The Governor’s Son” starring, of course, the Four Cohans. Three years later came my first really big Broadway hit in 1904. It was called “Little Johnny Jones” which introduced a couple of songs you may have heard of: ”Give my Regards to Broadway” and, yes, “The Yankee Doodle Boy.”
But there was nothing like those early childhood days in Vaudeville. In the summer we would take a vacation from the Vaudeville circuit and travel to my grandmother’s home in North Brookfield, Massachusetts, which would give me a chance to ride a bike and play baseball. I turned those happy memories into another Broadway musical called “50 Miles from Boston” and in that show I wrote one of my favorite songs. I’m going to sing it for you now. Are you ready? Here goes:
SINGS: ‘HARRIGAN’
My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!
FANNY BRICE
Like all vaudevillians, I always wanted to entertain. I was born Fania Borach in 1891 in New York City where there was plenty of show business going on. I started singing in amateur nights at places like Keeney’s in Brooklyn when I was a kid. My younger brother, Lew had already changed his last name to Brice and was performing in Vaudeville, so I did the only sensible thing to do. I dropped out of school, changed my name to Fanny Brice and found a job singing in a burlesque show. I was turned down by George M. Cohan because he said I couldn’t dance good enough – what did he know.
So, I was 19 years old when I ended up in a show called “College Girl” and who of all people but the famous Florenz Ziegfeld came to see me. He was casting the 1910 edition of his “Ziegfeld Follies” and he asked me to be in the show. And the rest, as they say, is history. I was lucky enough to get two very funny songs that brought down the house. In spite of being pretty much an unknown and with much bigger starts headlining the Follies, the Variety review called me “the individual hit of the show.” I went on to star in in six more of Mr. Ziegfeld’s lavish productions.
When I wasn’t doing the “Follies” I was busy in Vaudeville. I knew I had the goods to put over both a torchy ballad or knock ‘em in the aisle with a comic song. I made my debut at the Palace Theater in 1914 and became a regular there for the next twenty years. Not bad for a poor Jewish kid with not so good looks but a great sense of humor. They even wrote a hit musical about my life called “Funny Girl” and it’s packing them in again on Broadway right now.
For one of the songs I did in Vaudeville in 1915, I came on wearing a short ballet skirt and pink stockings to sing about a girl who graduated form a ballet school in the Hester Street neighborhood on the Lower East Side. Let me show you. I’ll do it for you now.
SINGS: “BECKY IS BACK AT THE BALLET”
Like all vaudevillians, I always wanted to entertain. I was born Fania Borach in 1891 in New York City where there was plenty of show business going on. I started singing in amateur nights at places like Keeney’s in Brooklyn when I was a kid. My younger brother, Lew had already changed his last name to Brice and was performing in Vaudeville, so I did the only sensible thing to do. I dropped out of school, changed my name to Fanny Brice and found a job singing in a burlesque show. I was turned down by George M. Cohan because he said I couldn’t dance good enough – what did he know.
So, I was 19 years old when I ended up in a show called “College Girl” and who of all people but the famous Florenz Ziegfeld came to see me. He was casting the 1910 edition of his “Ziegfeld Follies” and he asked me to be in the show. And the rest, as they say, is history. I was lucky enough to get two very funny songs that brought down the house. In spite of being pretty much an unknown and with much bigger starts headlining the Follies, the Variety review called me “the individual hit of the show.” I went on to star in in six more of Mr. Ziegfeld’s lavish productions.
When I wasn’t doing the “Follies” I was busy in Vaudeville. I knew I had the goods to put over both a torchy ballad or knock ‘em in the aisle with a comic song. I made my debut at the Palace Theater in 1914 and became a regular there for the next twenty years. Not bad for a poor Jewish kid with not so good looks but a great sense of humor. They even wrote a hit musical about my life called “Funny Girl” and it’s packing them in again on Broadway right now.
For one of the songs I did in Vaudeville in 1915, I came on wearing a short ballet skirt and pink stockings to sing about a girl who graduated form a ballet school in the Hester Street neighborhood on the Lower East Side. Let me show you. I’ll do it for you now.
SINGS: “BECKY IS BACK AT THE BALLET”
EDDIE CANTOR
Hello folks. I was born Isador Iskowitz in 1892 in a crowded tenement on the Lower East Side of New York City. I never really knew my parents. My mother died before I was two years old, and my father just disappeared. So, I was raised in a small basement apartment there by my grandmother Esther Kantrowitz who supported the two of us by peddling wares around our ghetto neighborhood. When she signed me up for school, she gave me her last name, but the person in charge decided it needed to be shortened, so I became Eddie Cantor.
Because we were so poor, I had to drop out of school in fifth grade and started working odd jobs – delivery boy, shooting gallery attendant, and, finally, performing in the streets for change. I found out I liked singing and being funny, and when I was 16 I won an amateur contest and won a fortune! Five bucks! That was a lot of money in those days. So, I became a singing waiter in a saloon in Coney Island. And from there it was on to Vaudeville.
A guy by the name of Gus Edwards had this company called Kid Kabaret and I was hired to be in his show. My performance got singled out and it came to the attention of that famous theatre impresario, Florenz Ziegfeld. He hired me for his midnight revue, “The Frolics”. I guess he liked what he saw because at the age of 25 I became the star of his 1917 “Ziegfeld Follies” on Broadway along with Will Rogers and W.C. Fields.
In 1923 I returned to my Vaudeville roots and started a tour at the Orpheum in Brooklyn which was a huge success. I went on to do several big Broadway musicals, and then moved to Hollywood in 1926 to star in a string of hit movies. It’s been a great life with my wonderful wife Ida. But thing I’m most proud of is being the founder of Actors’ Equity Association, the American Federation of Radio Artists, and the Screen Actors Guild.
Before I go, let me sing you one of my most successful songs. It was a big hit recording back in the 1920s and I also got to sing it in the movie “The Great Ziegfeld.” Here goes…
SINGS: “IF YOU KNEW SUZIE”
Hello folks. I was born Isador Iskowitz in 1892 in a crowded tenement on the Lower East Side of New York City. I never really knew my parents. My mother died before I was two years old, and my father just disappeared. So, I was raised in a small basement apartment there by my grandmother Esther Kantrowitz who supported the two of us by peddling wares around our ghetto neighborhood. When she signed me up for school, she gave me her last name, but the person in charge decided it needed to be shortened, so I became Eddie Cantor.
Because we were so poor, I had to drop out of school in fifth grade and started working odd jobs – delivery boy, shooting gallery attendant, and, finally, performing in the streets for change. I found out I liked singing and being funny, and when I was 16 I won an amateur contest and won a fortune! Five bucks! That was a lot of money in those days. So, I became a singing waiter in a saloon in Coney Island. And from there it was on to Vaudeville.
A guy by the name of Gus Edwards had this company called Kid Kabaret and I was hired to be in his show. My performance got singled out and it came to the attention of that famous theatre impresario, Florenz Ziegfeld. He hired me for his midnight revue, “The Frolics”. I guess he liked what he saw because at the age of 25 I became the star of his 1917 “Ziegfeld Follies” on Broadway along with Will Rogers and W.C. Fields.
In 1923 I returned to my Vaudeville roots and started a tour at the Orpheum in Brooklyn which was a huge success. I went on to do several big Broadway musicals, and then moved to Hollywood in 1926 to star in a string of hit movies. It’s been a great life with my wonderful wife Ida. But thing I’m most proud of is being the founder of Actors’ Equity Association, the American Federation of Radio Artists, and the Screen Actors Guild.
Before I go, let me sing you one of my most successful songs. It was a big hit recording back in the 1920s and I also got to sing it in the movie “The Great Ziegfeld.” Here goes…
SINGS: “IF YOU KNEW SUZIE”
JUDY GARLAND
Hi! My name is Judy Garland. I bet most of you know me as Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz” - “Oh, Auntie Em, there’s no place like home!”
Well, that was not how I got started in show business. My real name is Francis Ethel Gumm. Isn’t that just awful. My parents were vaudevillians back in the 1920s when I was born. I was the youngest of three sisters. I guess we all had a flair for song and dance. So, when I was just two years old, I made my debut. I joined my sisters on stage at my father’s movie theatre in Grand Rapids, Michigan, during a Christmas Show singing “Jingle Bells.”
Just a couple of years later we moved to California where my mother was determined to get us into the movies. And she succeeded. When I was seven, we performed a song and dance number in short subject called “The Big Revue.”
But for the next several years we toured the Vaudeville circuit as “The Gumm Sisters.” The name was bad enough, but one theatre actually billed us as “The Glum Sisters” Can you image!
By the time we played the Oriental Theater in Chicago, a famous singer and comedian, George Jessel, was headlining, and he came over to us one night and said, we were prettier than a garland of flowers, but we had to change our name. That night he introduced us for the first time as The Garland Sisters, and I changed my name to Judy.
Anyway, in 1935 Louis B. Mayer who was the head of MGM Studios sent someone to hear our act at the Orpheum Theater in downtown Los Angeles. Just a few days later I was asked to audition at the studio. I guess they liked that 13-year-old kid because they signed me to a long-term contract. And that’s how I came to play Dorothy.
So, tonight I’m going to sing for you the song from our Vaudeville act that I sang at the audition, and I hope you’ll like it. It’s called “Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart.”
SINGS: “ZING! WENT THE STRINGS OF MY HEART”
Hi! My name is Judy Garland. I bet most of you know me as Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz” - “Oh, Auntie Em, there’s no place like home!”
Well, that was not how I got started in show business. My real name is Francis Ethel Gumm. Isn’t that just awful. My parents were vaudevillians back in the 1920s when I was born. I was the youngest of three sisters. I guess we all had a flair for song and dance. So, when I was just two years old, I made my debut. I joined my sisters on stage at my father’s movie theatre in Grand Rapids, Michigan, during a Christmas Show singing “Jingle Bells.”
Just a couple of years later we moved to California where my mother was determined to get us into the movies. And she succeeded. When I was seven, we performed a song and dance number in short subject called “The Big Revue.”
But for the next several years we toured the Vaudeville circuit as “The Gumm Sisters.” The name was bad enough, but one theatre actually billed us as “The Glum Sisters” Can you image!
By the time we played the Oriental Theater in Chicago, a famous singer and comedian, George Jessel, was headlining, and he came over to us one night and said, we were prettier than a garland of flowers, but we had to change our name. That night he introduced us for the first time as The Garland Sisters, and I changed my name to Judy.
Anyway, in 1935 Louis B. Mayer who was the head of MGM Studios sent someone to hear our act at the Orpheum Theater in downtown Los Angeles. Just a few days later I was asked to audition at the studio. I guess they liked that 13-year-old kid because they signed me to a long-term contract. And that’s how I came to play Dorothy.
So, tonight I’m going to sing for you the song from our Vaudeville act that I sang at the audition, and I hope you’ll like it. It’s called “Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart.”
SINGS: “ZING! WENT THE STRINGS OF MY HEART”
BURNS & ALLEN – MADAME SONIA
(George Burns & Gracie Allen Enter)
GEORGE: Gracie, what do you want to talk about?
GRACIE: I don’t care, but whatever it is, let’s talk about it while we’re packing.
GEORGE: Packing? Why, where are we going?
GRACIE: I don’t know that either, but it’s going to be a long trip.
GEORGE: Who told you that?
GRACIE: Madame Sonia at the Gypsy Tea Room.
GEORGE: I’ll pack my violin and go with you. Madame Sonia, eh?
GRACIE: Oh, she’s wonderful George! The minute she looked into my teacup she knew all about me. She said I had a castle in Spain, I was an opera singer, and I was married to an Italian count.
GEORGE: That was a nice guess.
GRACIE: George, don’t rush me. I’m still young…
GEORGE: Well, what else?
GRACIE: She showed me three tea leaves sitting together in the corner of my cup, and she said they were my three children.
GEORGE: But, Gracie, we only have two: Sandra and Ronnie.
GRACIE: I know, but she was so nice I didn’t have the heart to tell her. But it worked out just fine.
GEORGE: Oh, it did?
GRACIE: Yeah, I asked her if she had any children and she said, “No.” She loved them, but she wasn’t married.
GEORGE: So?
GRACIE: So, when it was time to go, I took the extra child out of my cup and gave it to her.
GEORGE: Well, this Madame Sonia sounds very interesting.
GRACIE: Well, she should be. She’s one of the greatest because she loves her work. Do you know when she goes home at night, she takes about 200 tea leaves with her?
GEORGE: She does?
GRACIE: She likes to read in bed.
GEORGE: Gracie, do you really believe in this stuff?
GRACIE: Well, of course I do. And Madame Sonia is never wrong. Only about two months ago she told a friend of mine she was going to take a long voyage.
GEORGE: And she did?
GRACIE: Well, sure. And when she got back last week, she opened up her tea room again.
GEORGE: This Madame Sonia is really uncanny.
GRACIE: Oh, yes. And the things they ask her. There was one woman today at the next able and she wanted to know if her husband still loves her.
GEORGE: Well, why didn’t she ask her husband.
GRACIE: Oh, she couldn’t. He left her twenty years ago and she doesn’t know where to find him.
GEORGE: I see. Does Madame Sonia work with a crystal ball?
GRACIE: She used to, but she had to give it up because of her adenoids.
GEORGE: What do her adenoids have to do with her crystal ball?
GRACIE: You see, she breathes through her nose and when she looked at the crystal ball, she fogged up everybody’s future.
GEORGE: Gracie, there’s something I’d like to know. Why did you go there?
GRACIE: Well, I wanted to get the answer to a question which has been bothering me for years.
GEORGE: What’s the question?
GRACIE: Well, everybody I talk to says, “Gracie, where are your marbles?” And I’d like to be able to tell them.
GEORGE: Say goodnight, Gracie
GRACIE: Good night.
(They Exit)
(George Burns & Gracie Allen Enter)
GEORGE: Gracie, what do you want to talk about?
GRACIE: I don’t care, but whatever it is, let’s talk about it while we’re packing.
GEORGE: Packing? Why, where are we going?
GRACIE: I don’t know that either, but it’s going to be a long trip.
GEORGE: Who told you that?
GRACIE: Madame Sonia at the Gypsy Tea Room.
GEORGE: I’ll pack my violin and go with you. Madame Sonia, eh?
GRACIE: Oh, she’s wonderful George! The minute she looked into my teacup she knew all about me. She said I had a castle in Spain, I was an opera singer, and I was married to an Italian count.
GEORGE: That was a nice guess.
GRACIE: George, don’t rush me. I’m still young…
GEORGE: Well, what else?
GRACIE: She showed me three tea leaves sitting together in the corner of my cup, and she said they were my three children.
GEORGE: But, Gracie, we only have two: Sandra and Ronnie.
GRACIE: I know, but she was so nice I didn’t have the heart to tell her. But it worked out just fine.
GEORGE: Oh, it did?
GRACIE: Yeah, I asked her if she had any children and she said, “No.” She loved them, but she wasn’t married.
GEORGE: So?
GRACIE: So, when it was time to go, I took the extra child out of my cup and gave it to her.
GEORGE: Well, this Madame Sonia sounds very interesting.
GRACIE: Well, she should be. She’s one of the greatest because she loves her work. Do you know when she goes home at night, she takes about 200 tea leaves with her?
GEORGE: She does?
GRACIE: She likes to read in bed.
GEORGE: Gracie, do you really believe in this stuff?
GRACIE: Well, of course I do. And Madame Sonia is never wrong. Only about two months ago she told a friend of mine she was going to take a long voyage.
GEORGE: And she did?
GRACIE: Well, sure. And when she got back last week, she opened up her tea room again.
GEORGE: This Madame Sonia is really uncanny.
GRACIE: Oh, yes. And the things they ask her. There was one woman today at the next able and she wanted to know if her husband still loves her.
GEORGE: Well, why didn’t she ask her husband.
GRACIE: Oh, she couldn’t. He left her twenty years ago and she doesn’t know where to find him.
GEORGE: I see. Does Madame Sonia work with a crystal ball?
GRACIE: She used to, but she had to give it up because of her adenoids.
GEORGE: What do her adenoids have to do with her crystal ball?
GRACIE: You see, she breathes through her nose and when she looked at the crystal ball, she fogged up everybody’s future.
GEORGE: Gracie, there’s something I’d like to know. Why did you go there?
GRACIE: Well, I wanted to get the answer to a question which has been bothering me for years.
GEORGE: What’s the question?
GRACIE: Well, everybody I talk to says, “Gracie, where are your marbles?” And I’d like to be able to tell them.
GEORGE: Say goodnight, Gracie
GRACIE: Good night.
(They Exit)
